Moving In - Thinking of Allowing Your Mother-In-Law to Move in With You - Think Again
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The most well known is Moore's law , which describes how the number of chips on a silicon chip tend to double about every 18 months. Kryder's law describes an even faster rate for computer storage and Nielson's law shows a somewhat slower rate for the growth of bandwidth. The confluence of these trends produced an amazing about of innovation over the past few decades. Now, however, it seems like those days are becoming a thing of the past.
Moore's law will end in a few years. Storage has become so plentiful and cheap that companies are literally giving away gigabytes for free online. We have enough bandwidth to stream entire movies, even on mobile devices, and new 5G networks will give us even more. The digital revolution was somewhat unique not necessarily because it moved any faster, but because it was more visible.
Unlike quantum mechanics, antibiotics and other technological revolutions, the Internet allowed us to access new innovations almost as soon as they were created. Yet today, things are slowing down. Think about hot new devices like Amazon Echo and Google Home. It's hard to see how their impact will be anything like the PC, the Internet or the smartphone. That doesn't mean that innovation itself will stop -- or even slow down -- but it does mean that we will have to look to new S-curves to find it.
Over the next few decades, we will see an enormous amount of innovation in a number of fields, such as genomics, materials science and advanced manufacturing. This transformation will not be virtual, but will use bits to power atoms. That will make it far less visible, but potentially far more impactful, than the seemingly endless stream of "killer apps" that we've come to associate with progress. The couple makes a joint decision for the husband to be the provider. She goes to social business events with him when it's after-hours. Suddenly, she's put all this work in that can't really be financially quantified and now her husband wants divorce and is wanting to break that contract and walk away.
'I never want to see my mother again'
Additionally, while those women are stay-at-home moms - which is a full-time job in and of itself - they're also taking care of the household. They make all the appointments. They tend to also help boost their husband's career by being able to stay home with the kids - which allows him to spend more hours at work. What I mean by that is you're an individual who has your own interests, you're a couple who is focused on the marriage and being a wife or being a husband, and then you're parents focusing on taking care of your children. Stay-at-home moms - and actually I think all women do this to a certain point- have a tendency to step away from their individual identity and invest more into being a mom and being a wife.
So when her husband wants divorce and all of the sudden says, "I don't want to be married, I want out," that can send her into an identity crisis of, "I failed as a wife. What does that mean for me? He's taking away this identity that I've developed and without it, I don't have a lot of other friends. I don't have other support networks. Additionally, because women tend to be the emotional voice of the relationship, I think a woman often times will feel blindsided when her husband asks for divorce. The husband may not have been talking about, complaining or voicing his dissatisfaction clearly or on a regular basis.
He might have brought it up for a little bit and the woman feels like she's working on things and then the husband stops complaining and so it feels like he is completely happy again. From what I've seen in my practice, men tend to suffer a little bit more in silence, verses continually bringing things up.
What's going on? What could I have done differently? What made that decision happen? Either in an emotional way or physical way with somebody else. Those feelings can come up for the wife even if the husband started dating someone during the divorce process or shortly after. But what makes divorce for stay-at-home moms different than women who work outside the home?
You're seeing people and you're having what I would call, "non-mom moments. Kids are wonderful, but they do take up a lot of time and being a mom is a full-time job. Often times, which, I think, unfortunately is a caveat of our society, women can feel very isolated and very alone because they feel like, "I don't want to ask this person for help because they might think I'm a bad mom because I'm a stay-at-home mom and I shouldn't have to ask for help.
I think there's often a lot of misconceptions around a stay-at-home mom and the fact that she should just be able to do it all. You're not working so you should be able to do it all. And people don't realize the level of demands that a stay-at-home mom can be under. At times, they will have a hard time staying connected with other friends that aren't moms because those people might have developed other interests or think that they can't connect with the moms. So then they're not reaching out as often to schedule time to get together. They don't have the opportunity to go grab a lunch date with a friend as often.
Are there any other challenges that are unique to stay at home moms and divorce? If their resume has really not been updated.
If they don't feel like they've got marketable skills. I often hear from women in this position that they doubt themselves because, again, they think, "All I am is a mom. At that point they again fall back on the, "it's not fair my husband wants a divorce" piece and so they can feel more like a victim because they feel so powerless in the situation of, "You have all the money. You're making all the decisions.
Something else I've heard from women in my office even within the marriage when she is a stay-at-home mom - is, "My husband makes all the money. So even though, "Yes, he wants me to do these things, I feel bad asking. And on the flip-side, they also feel bad saying, "Hey, I'd really love a girl's weekend. You know, "I feel betrayed. We made this plan. You're breaking our contract. I trusted you with this and I gave up these things and now look where I am and how unfair is that? What are a few tips or divorce advice for stay at home mom so she can start feeling more confident and empowered?
Eliminating that feeling of, "I'm a victim" and instead looking at what they bring to the table. Looking at what they have brought as a whole to the marriage over the years. Helping them realize that they've contributed a lot. Internalizing that just because this person - their husband wants a divorce, doesn't mean that their worth is lower.
I think moms would often be surprised how often the things they do on a day-to-day basis actually will transfer into the career world. Finding out what their passions are; what they like to do. I hear that a lot from women out there, "I ask what do you like to do? You know, I haven't thought about that in years, so I don't even know what makes me happy.
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7 June 2016
Feb 1, pm. April Farnham. Apr 27, pm. Carol Kotcheck. Jun 3, pm. Billie windsor. Sep 12, am. Jacqueline S. Sep 24, pm. Jun 30, pm. Sep 25, pm. Jun 20, pm. Feb 26, am. May 17, pm.
6 Things No One Told Us About Being a Caregiver
Aug 8, pm. Oct 5, pm. Oct 7, am. Nov 13, pm. Dec 27, pm. Randy Pitrowski. Oct 25, am. Dec 31, pm. Jun 10, am. Jun 19, pm. Gail Mcgaughey. Jan 11, pm. Kelly Randall. Jan 28, pm. Dementia Caregivers Support Group on Facebook is wonderful! So much support there! May 8, am. Donna L Forsyth. Apr 10, pm. Aug 8, am. Sep 24, am. Feb 11, am. Feb 13, am. Jul 29, pm. Apr 5, am. May 11, am. I agree percent. I will never do to my kids what my mother does to me!
Jun 1, am. Jul 22, pm. Oct 23, pm. Dec 15, pm. I am so with you, Leyla. My mom is so selfish also, thanks for sharing. Jan 10, am. Sara thompson. Mar 31, pm. Jan 10, pm. Stacy Robinson.
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